Voice Problems
by The Violent Tomboy
Summary: A newbie villian accidentally casts a spell on the Titans that affects the way they talk! Cyborg's stuck with Pig Latin, Starfire has to talk backwards, Raven's speaking Korean, Beastboy's rhyming, and HAHA! Robin can't talk at all!
1. Mage

First Teen Titans story! I really should work on my other story, but I had to post this!

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Another day, another villain attempting to rob something in Jump City. In this case, the bank.

"Alright-ee, hand over all your money!" a brunette teenage girl cried out. Her hair was done in to high ponytails that reached her waist. A black mask covered her eyes. She wore a midriff red top with tight long sleeves and jeans. Brown gloves and combat boots finished off the attire. In her right hand, she had a long golden staff with a large red orb on top, which she was twirling like a baton. As she was whirling it around, her staff accidentally smacked a man right on his bald head.

"Ah!" the girl shrieked, turning around to face him. She inspected and carefully poked the bump on his head. "I'm sorry about that! I really have to watch where I twirl my staff, don't worry, I'm pretty good at healing spells-" she shut herself up in mid sentence. With her free hand she rubbed her temples, "Remember what gramps said, don't apologize for hurting people, laugh like a high maniac."

She marched over to the vault door and pointed to it with her staff. Before she did anything else, a young woman yelled out from behind one of the counters, "Hey, you need an account to take out money from the bank!"

The girl turned around to face her, her jaw dropping onto the floor. "What!" she cried out, waving her hands out frantically. "I need an account to rob a bank?" Her head hung as comical tears fell from her eyes. "I can't do anything right," she said mournfully as she went for the exit.

"Hey wait a sec!" she realized. "No I don't!" And with that she went in front of the vault again as pointed her staff at hit. A beam of red light shot out from the orb and blasted the door to smithereens. Then, all the money inside was sucked into the orb like a vacuum cleaner.

"You'd better put that back," a voice said from the entrance. Robin was there, wielding a birdarang, with the rest of the Teen Titans behind him.

"So who are you?" Cyborg demanded. The girl put a hand on her hip and the other proudly held the staff in front of her.

"I'm Casey Shadows, wizard-in-training, and I-" the girl quickly clapped her hand in front of her mouth. "Ah! Uh, I mean, I'm Mage, the greatest wizard ever! HAHA!" In a quieter voice she mumbled, "Dang, secret identities are supposed to be _secret_…"

"You're new to the villainy business, huh?" Beastboy remarked.

"Oh, shut it!" Mage yelled as she fired a dozen balls of red energy at them.

"Titans, go!" Robin cried as they all leaped out of the way. Starfire hovered in the air as she launched a barrage of starbolts and Cyborg helped out with his sonic cannon. Mage held up her staff and a translucent red dome-shaped shield protected her. The attacks exploded on impact but didn't break through. The shield faded and Mage quickly shot two beams, hitting both Cyborg and Starfire in the chest and knocking them back to the wall.

Robin threw his birdarang at her but she quickly ducked out of the way just as Beastboy tried to pounce on her as a tiger. A red energy whip shot out from the orb and she wrapped it around a the tiger's neck and hurled him into Robin.

Raven silently levitated behind her and held out her arms. "Azerath, Metrion, Zynthos!" Black energy jerked the staff out of the brunette's hand. The staff floated above its owner's head.

"Hey, that was a birthday gift!" a chibi-fied Mage tried to jump up and grab her weapon. Beastboy quickly transformed into a long snake and wrapped her in his coils.

"And that's a wrap," Robin said as he folded his arms. Mage stuck out her tongue at him before whistling like one would do to call a dog. The staff broke free from Raven's power, smacked Beastboy's head in midair until he let go in pain, and Mage quickly grabbed it.

"I shouldn't be doing this, but I gotta go!" she said as she pointed her staff at them. A blinding red light shot forth, nobody could see anything, then it just faded out. Everyone just stared at each other, but nothing happened.

"Hey!" Mage said as she stared at her staff dubiously. "You all were supposed act like you just saw your greatest fears come to life! Ah well, knew I can't use a spell that hard."

Robin opened his mouth and pointed at her, but she quickly mounted her staff like a witch on a broom. She shot out, flying out of the door with her legs sticking out in a almost complete split.

"E-way ave-hay o-tay atch-cay er-hay!" Cyborg shouted out. His facial expression turned to shock. His fellow teammates stared at him.

"Taht ekil keasp uoy od yhw, Dneird?" Starfire asked as she came up to him. She quickly gasped and covered her mouth.

"Ahduhsuh, whe…Ya, yogomoya!" Raven cried out.

"What's up with you guys talking like that? Did your brains like, disappeared? Hey, that rhymes!" Beastboy grinned at himself. "Now let's just Mage for her crimes."

"Op-stay iming-rhyay Eastboy-bay," Cyborg demanded. "Ut-whay is oing-gay on!"

Meanwhile, Robin was waving his arms around the whole time, pointing to his mouth. No sound left his mouth. As Starfire finally paid attention to him, she said, "Kaeps ton uoy nac yhw?"

Robin waved his arms and opened his mouth very wide but it was like someone pushed his mute button.

Mentally, Cyborg thought it was an improvement.

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What do you think of that?


	2. Insanity

Yay, nobody seems to think Mage is a Mary Sue! I rather like her. And as for what Raven is saying, I really don't want to translate since I think it's a little funnier that way. I mean, Mas y Menos, just look at them. But before, Raven was just saying, "Alright, why…Hey, what is this!" I'm really not translating from now on, and in the future, if you MUST know, just e-mail me. Also, this will be a short story, like maybe around five chapters. Just think of it as another regular episode.

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"Y-whay are e-way alking-tay ike-lay is-thay?" Cyborg clutched to his head in frustration. The rest of the team had equally shocked expressions, and Starfire just blinked in confusion since she didn't know how Pig Latin worked. Robin slammed his fist into his palm and opened his mouth, but you'd think he realize by now that that won't work.

"Emoh og dluosh ew spahrep-" Starfire was interrupted by Beastboy who was screaming at the top of his lungs and making a huge commotion.

"DUDE! WHAT HAPPENED! WE CAN'T TALK RIGHT! I CAN'T STOP RHYMING! IT'S A HORRIBLE PLIGHT!" Beastboy screamed. Raven lifted her hand and created a muzzle that clamped his mouth shut.

"Na kee ahpuh," she muttered as she glared at him and stuck a finger in her ear. Robin was just sulking now and folding his arms.

"Everyone o-tay the E-car-tay. E-way an-cay omething-say on Age-may on the omputer-cay," Cyborg suggested. Everyone nodded except Starfire, and they all headed back to Cyborg's treasured vehicle. On the way back, an unsaid resolution went out that no one would say anything until the (rather annoying) spell was broken.

Of course, it never works out that way.

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Everyone was in the living room, busy doing something. Cyborg and Robin were typing furiously away at the computers, trying to find something on Mage, seeing it shouldn't be _that _hard since she did give away her secret identity. Raven, with her hood down, was meditating in front of the windows. And Starfire was watching Beastboy gulp down unhealthy amounts of Chinese tofu down his throat. Apparently, he was still hoping for the chance he'd break the world record.

When he grabbed the small bottle of soy sauce, it accidentally slipped through his fingers. The bottle went flying into the air and crashed onto the computer that Robin was working on. The brown liquid gushed all over it, short-circuiting it and causing it to create a small explosion in the leader's face. Robin's teeth turned to fangs as he unpleasantly gritted them.

Robin quickly got to his feet, shook out his fist at his green teammate and his mouth opened so wide you could fit several watermelons inside. It was rather obvious what he wanted to say.

"Sorry about the computer loss. I'll try to be more careful with the soy sauce," Beastboy said sheepishly as he twiddled his thumbs.

"Tubu komon muhguh. Pabo gotteh," Raven said monotonously, not breaking her trance. Nobody knew what she was saying, but Beastboy had a good hunch that it was an insult. He narrowed his eyes at her.

"Hgourth llup llahs ew dna nwod malc! Yrassecen ton si thgif sith, sdneirf ym," Starfire held her hands together as she was talking, but she might as well have been talking in Tamerian, seeing how some kind of genius could actually reverse her words. She rubbed her temples after talking; she was starting to confuse herself.

Cyborg was still on the main computer, finally forgetting all the hi-tech hacking into police files and just putting 'Casey Shadows' under the Google search engine. "Ell-way at-whay o-day ou-yay ow-knay."

Strangely enough, there was something. He clicked on the first link and above the noise of his fellow teammates shouting (or using obscure hand motions), he quickly scanned the homepage.

_**Rejoice to The Lord and be Saved!**_

_The Jump City Christian Club has proudly been at the Jump City _

_Church for over three years, praising the Lord Almighty. Every Friday _

_Night at six o'clock, we brothers and sisters in Christ come together to _

_sing songs to His Glory, hear the preaching of his miracles, and repent _

_our sins. Please join us so we may all be with Him in Heaven. _

Cyborg glanced at the side of the page and in small bold font, it said, **_President: Casey Shadows_**.

"A Istian-chray illain-vay. At's-thay ew-nay," Cyborg said out loud with a somewhat surprised look on his face. He checked the date at the corner of the computer, and what do you know, it was Friday, four o'clock.

"Ey-hay uys-gay! I ow-knay ere-whay Age-may ill-be ater-lay!" Cyborg called out as he turned around in his seat. They all stopped arguing with each other and looked at him.

"Cheenja?" Raven asked him.

"Alright! We'll kick her butt and make her take off this spell! Hey you rhyming, bye and farewell!" Beastboy cheered as he raised his fist in the air. Robin ran to the door, eager to get on the road so he could began using his pie-hole again.

"Oa-whay ere-thay!" Cyborg yelled out at him. "E-way ave-hay o-tay ait-way or-fay o-tay hours!"

Seeing how they still had time, Beastboy quickly got to the table to finish the tofu that was left. Disgusted by his table manners, Raven caused the tofu leftover to explode in his face.

"Dude! Why'd you do that to my food!" Beastboy cried out through a mask of soybean mush.

Raven sighed. She couldn't take much of his rhyming anymore. She couldn't wait until they found Mage again; the rhyming would stop and she'd be free to insult him normally again.

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I hope that was funny. And if anyone's Christian, I hope I didn't offend them. I'm Christian myself. I originally planned her to be part of the Cheese Club, but I decided Christian would be better for future conversations. Please review!


	3. Fight

Sorry about the wait. But here it is! And for more laughs, check out my latest Inuyasha one shot. Inuyasha gets beaten up by an armed and dangerous guy in a teddy bear costume! -

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_It was time._

Or more specifically, it was six o'clock.

The Teen Titans had been waiting impatiently outside of the Jump City Church for a little over half an hour. Sure, they did get some weird looks from the teenagers that went inside, but that's beside the point. They asked some of the people going in about Casey (in Pig Latin, backwards, rhyming, Korean, and frantic hand motions), and it turned out that even though she was the president, she was almost always late to the meetings, excusing herself that she had errands to do for her grandfather.

_Thirty minutes later._

"E's-shay otta-gay e-bay ere-hay oon-say."

"Evirra llahs ehs erus ma I rof, terf ton od."

"Aye-shi."

"C'mon! When's she gonna show up? I feel ready to just blow up!"

"…"

"**_EEEEEEEEK!" _**a high-pitched squeal rang out over their complaints, and something seemed to drop right out of the sky and crash into the T-Car. Of course, the vehicle was too strong to be totaled, but there was sure to be a few nasty dents.

"Y-MAY ABY-BAY!" Cyborg cried out, clutching his head. If he had hair he'd probably tear it out. (Also, he doesn't have private parts, and don't you wonder how he goes to the bathroom? I do. Another thing is how is he ever going to…whoops, can't say that, it wouldn't be K+…)

"Ow…darn I flew too fast, darn gramps, always making me late…" a voice said. A girl hopped off the car. She had was definitely the same girl that robbed the bank; same clothes, same mask, same freaky magic staff.

"Mage," Raven stated, her eyes glowering under her blue hood, "Onnee, _Casey Shadows_."

"What, how'd you find out-" the girl started. "I mean, you must have me mistaken for somebody else! Nope! Don't know who this 'Mage' or 'Casey' guy is! Heh heh," she said very fast and did a futile attempt to hide the staff behind her back.

Raven held up her right hand. "Azerath Metrion Zynthos!" Black energy encased the brunette and effectively trapped her inside. Casey was about a few yards in the air.

"Ou're-yay under arrest," Cyborg declared. Robin nodded and pointed to his moving but silent mouth.

"And dude! Take off your stupid spell! We all can't talk right, can't you tell!" Beastboy screamed.

"Oh snap! So _that's _what my spell did to you guys. Man that's so cool! I can use that on gramps! Maybe he'll finally shut up…" Mage rambled on, seeming to forget that she was trapped. The Titans sweat dropped.

"Lamron ot kcab su nrut esaelp!" Starfire interrupted her.

"Well, I guess I should take off the spell, I mean, it wouldn't be right to leave you guys like that forever," Mage sighed. Exactly how she understood that was another mystery of the day.

Wow, she really was going to do that, just like that. What kind of stupid villain is she?

She whistled, and the orb on her staff glowed before breaking free of Raven's hold.

"Why didn't you do that when Raven first got you? That' kinda dumb, you're kinda kookoo," Beastboy asked, doing the 'you're crazy' sign at her.

"That's a good question," Mage said with embarrassment. She spun her staff before pointing it at the Titans. In a flash of red light…

"Boo-yah!"

"Marvelous!"

"Finally!"

"Ha ha ha!"

"Where's my clothes!"

Sure enough, Robin was naked. Before anyone gets any thoughts, he quickly grabbed a trash can lid to cover his spot and a paper bag to keep his secret identity. Starfire was wearing Robin's clothes, Beastboy was wearing Starfire's clothes, Raven was wearing Beastboy's clothes, and Cyborg had Raven's clothes (and considerably stretching them out). Of course, since Cyborg doesn't wear anything, well, poor Robin again.

At least they could talk normally now.

"Oops," Mage said, rubbing the back of her head. "I still don't have good control over my magic."

The Titans quickly dashed off to an alley, and then after a few scuffles and yells they came back out wearing their appropriate uniforms. As they finally came out, Robin grabbed Mage's hand and said, "You're under arrest."

Before anybody could do anything else, another human projectile fell out of the sky and crashed into the T-Car. Another set of dents.

"MY BABY!"

An old, bald man deftly leaped off from the car. He looked like a stereotypical wizard, with a long silver beard, wearing emerald green robes. His face was a mass of wrinkles and he had beady black eyes. In his hand was a silver staff with a pointed green jewel on top.

The old man walked over to Mage and promptly whacked her in the head with his staff.

"OW! Gramps, what are you doing here! You're embarrassing me! And I _told _you not to wear your robes in public! That's so old-fashioned!" Mage whined as she rubbed the melon-sized lump on her head.

"You idiotic imbecile! I've been watching you! The Titans were waiting for you here! YOU SLIPPED OUT YOUR SECRET IDENTITY, DIDN'T YOU!" the old man screamed.

"Eh-heh-heh."

"YOU DON'T TELL ANYONE YOUR SECRET IDENTITY! ANOTHER THING, ONE BASIC RULE OF VILLIANY IS THAT IF YOU LEAVE THE CRIME FIGHTERS IN A STATE OF PAIN YOU LEAVE THEM THAT WAY, NOT TAKE IT OFF THEM! EVEN IF IT IS A LANGUAGE SWITCHER SPELL!" With that he pointed his staff at the Titans, and there was a flash of green light…

"O-NAY!"

"ON!"

"NO! YOU HORRIBLE FOE!"

"ONNEE!"

"!"

"Now attack them correctly or you're grounded!" the old man screeched at his granddaughter.

"But gramps! I'm already late to the Christian club!" Mage whined again, waving her arms around.

"YOU'RE GROUNDED! Why did I even let you become a Christian in the first place!"

Mage grumbled as she twirled her staff before shooting a volley of red balls of energy at the Titans. Robin took out his bo staff and pointed his finger at her, but without hearing the usual "Titans, go!" battle cry, the rest of his teammates didn't jump out of the way, clearly out of habit. Each of them got hit in the face with the energy balls.

"Can I go to my club now?" Mage asked Gramps as the Titans wearily got back to their feet.

"VILLIANS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE CHRISTIANS!"

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Hee, another OC, but he's not important. If you hate him, be my guest.


	4. Showdown

"Hey gramps? If you hadn't noticed, I'm getting my butt seriously kicked right now, a little help would be nice," Mage shouted up at her grandfather, who was levitating about fifty feet in the air, sitting on his airborne staff, right before a starbolt narrowly singed the tips of her pigtails.

"I'm going to be in my grave in a few years, so you need to learn how to do it on your own!" the old man yelled back down. "Besides, I was doing fine when I was your age!"

"Yeah!" Mage grunted as Robin kicked her in the stomach and sent her crashing into the side of a building. "But I doubt you were fighting people with supernatural powers back in the thirties! Besides, I don't think anything was worth stealing during the Great Depression!"

"Ya, halabuhji!" Raven said as she went speeding towards the old man. "Azerath Metrion Zynthos!"

Raven held out her hands, and the old man was trapped within her energy. Sweeping her hands down, the man went flying into the concrete. On his way down, Cyborg fired his sonic cannon, so the old man left a nice imprint of himself on the wall before tumbling down next to his granddaughter.

"OO-BAY AH-YAY!" Cyborg said in triumph, his cannon reverting back to a hand. He then face faulted, thinking how stupid it sounded. Beastboy snickered.

"Ut-shay up."

Now both the sorcerers were fighting now, evening the odds. No, seriously, the odds were even. Well, actually, not really.

"NOW DIE, YOU HORMONE DISTURBED CHILDREN!" the old man roared as he pointed his staff at the Titans, a massive wave of green energy bursting out from the tip of the green gem. The wave sent all of the Titans (and some cars) flying back down the street.

"Hormone disturbed children? Don't you have any better insults in that wrinkly old head?" Mage sweat dropped and she rubbed her head with the orb on her staff.

"Robin and Beastboy are wearing tight spandex pants, Starfire and Raven (snort) are practically wearing swim suits in public, and Cyborg doesn't wear anything. I think that has something to do with you horny kids nowadays."

"…"

A car came flying out at them, and the two sorcerers leaped out of the way. The Titans then came charging at them, all looking like they had been electrocuted from the last attack.

Beastboy transformed into a bull and was ahead of the rest, going in for the red on Mage's shirt. She jumped up and gave him a quick blast, reverting him back to his humanoid form, but Starfire swiftly shot out bolts from her eyes that hit her dead on. Mage lay sprawled on the ground.

"Yrotciv!" Starfire leaped up and down in joy and held up two fingers.

"Hey what's that book? I want to take a quick look," Beastboy said as he booked up a small, palm-sized pink book that had fallen out of Mage's pocket. Flipping through the pages, he saw that each one was a picture of a rather good-looking man, all of them drawn in Japanese animation.

"_GET OFF MY BISHONEN BOOK!" _Mage screamed as she got back to her feet, fire blazing in her eyes. She came rushing towards him with incredible speed. Twirling her staff around, the first movement it collided into the side of Beastboy's head, the next smashing the top of his skull, forcing him to fall to the ground, and the final having the orb stop at Beastboy's neck.

"Great, the one way to get her riled up is to steal her book of imaginary boyfriends," her grandfather muttered as he had his hands full with Starfire, Cyborg, and Robin. "I knew I should've let her get a real one…"

Despite the orb glowing menacingly at his neck, Beastboy, being who he was, couldn't help ticking her off a bit further. Opening the book at a random page, he looked at it and said, "Wow, this guy's so girly I wanna barf! Long hair, mascara, and that fluffy scarf!"

That did it. **_"DON'T INSULT FLUFFY-SAMA!"_** She brought the staff above her head and smashed it down, but Raven quickly swooped down and grabbed the green teen by his arms, just before the staff would have collided with Beastboy's head. A mini explosion left a rather noticable crater in the pavement.

"**_COME BACK HERE, YOU _**(insert words that wouldn't be appropriate for this rating)**_!" _**Mage screamed as bolts of energy were being fired out of the staff as fast as a machine gun. Raven expertly dodged them, but it was getting harder and harder.

Still looking at the book, "Dark Mousy? What a dumb name! Who named him 'Mousy'? that's just lame!"

With a fierce, shrill battle cry, the bolts came pelting towards them even more intensely.

"Beastboy! Nuh chooguhleh?" Raven cried out, smacking the book out of his hands. As the book went tumbling towards the ground, a bolt incinerated it into ashes. The bolts stopped.

Mage sank to the floor on her knees and sobbed into her arms. "I've lost the will to live. It took me my whole life to draw all two hundred and three of them…"

"What the-" the man was distracted long enough for Robin to land a spinning kick into his head.

Little yellow birds flew around his head. "John Jacob Jingle Himer Smith! I finally found you! Did you know we have the same name?" he said woozily before he fell unconscious.

Robin then went over to the weeping girl and grabbed her by the collar, opening his mouth, trying to scream. She didn't seem to notice him. Comical tear continued to stream down her eyes.

"Em wolla," Starfire said as she took her out of Robin's hands. "SU OT KCAB HCEESP ROU NRUTER UOY YAM OS, DETAEFED NEEB EVAH REHTAFDNARG ROUY DNA OUY!"

Mage stopped crying and glared at her. "I was going to stop in thirteen seconds. You didn't have to scream like a nutcase in my face."

Starfire smiled, showing all of her teeth.

"Just wait a sec," Mage said as she went over to Beastboy and proceeded into bonking him in the head. "IT TOOK ME FOREVER TO DRAW THOSE! I'LL KILL YOU!"

Cyborg quickly grabbed her and but she continued to kick her legs uselessly. "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! NO ONE INSULTS THE BISHIES!"

"Orry-say, ou-yay an't-cay ill-kay im-hay."

She then fell limp in his arms and Cyborg released her. Twirling her staff around, a red light flashed out and…

"YES! I CAN FINAALY TALK!" Robin practically did a rather annoying dance to celebrate. Cyborg recorded the moment into his brain so he could play it again if he ever needed a good laugh.

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The police arrived and shoved the handcuffed old man into the van, ignoring his threats that he was going to turn them into frogs and eat their legs. It wasn't like he could do anything without his staff.

Before Mage was about to get shoved in as well, Robin stopped them for a moment.

"You know, I don't think you actually want to be a real villain, do you?"

"Well, yeah," Mage admitted. "I don't like to hurt people, Gramps is annoying, and I don't have a social life. I never had the chance to really make some friends-"

"VILLIANS DON'T HAVE FRIENDS! THEY HAVE LACKIES!" the old man poked his head out of the van and screamed before he was pushed in again.

"Well, you don't have to be one. How about becoming one of us?" Robin offered.

"Nah, I wanna be normal, Mom's lives somewhere in Metropolis and she doesn't know about what Gramps does; I think I'll go live with her."

Starfire sliced through the cuffs with a well-placed star bolt and said, "Joyous! But before you leave, perhaps it would be wise to return the currency which you have stolen previously today."

Mage blushed. "Ah, I kinda spent it all before I got here."

"What on earth did you buy with over a couple hundred million dollars?" Raven asked in slight shock.

Puffing out her chest, she said proudly, "You're looking at the new owner of _Star Wars_!"

Cyborg and Beastboy dropped their jaws.

"HOW DID YOU BUY THAT!" Cyborg burst out.

"Internet."

"You can buy that there? That's so not fair!" Beastboy wailed.

Raven glowered at him. She couldn't take it anymore. She though as soon as the curse was gone… "Stop that…"

"That was a mistake Raven! Really! See, I'm not rhyming right now-" Beastboy was cut off as a sewer lid smacked him in the face.

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The end.

Seriously not satisfied with the ending, but I hope the random humor was enough to make up for it. At least I'm done with it!


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